Wednesday, November 21, 2018

The Auspicious Connections Leading to Meeting Lama Dawa


As Acharya Dawa Chhodak Rinpoche’s first parinirvana anniversary is close, I originally had planned on writing a blog posting about the last few days of his life that I like some others in the sangha, was fortunate to spend in his presence.  However, upon waking this morning, it occurred to me that endings are not really endings, at least not from the way Lama spoke about the matter before his passing himself.  So, instead of writing about an imaginary end, I might as well write about the events and connections that initially culminated in meeting the Lama, even though beginnings are likewise quite imaginary – mirages, phantom-like.  But then, if the concept of a ‘mirage’ is itself indeed but a ‘mirage’, where do we stand, and what are we talking about when we talk about beginnings, endings or even the elusive NOW? 

Expressing a unique and fully embodied, yet in essence ungraspable answer to this question is where the all the dharma juice really congeals!  Where the three kayas meet in being human.

Furthermore, the ‘auspicious connections’ required in order to be able to meet a true and genuine lama, do not necessarily manifest through ‘dharma-politically’ correct channels.  At least as often, especially in the ‘non-dharmic’ social environment of today, auspicious connections tend to arise through what ‘proper dharma practitioners’ might be tempted to consider ‘improper’ channels.  The origin of Lama Dawa’s sangha that formed ensuing the events of 21998 to be described in the following is a case in point.

What’s the purpose of writing such lengthy lead-in to the introduction, you ask?

The point is that anyone who is connected to Lama Dawa is so, either directly or indirectly connected to him through someone who had over time increasingly emanated a strong whiff of ‘fakeness’.  Eventually in 2003, the man was exposed as the vajrayana ‘fraud’ that he had always been – at least if we look at the picture from an ordinary point of view.  And yet, this ‘Rinpoche’ who actually wasn’t, and this Ph.D. in clinical psychology who actually wasn’t became the stepping-stone for the creation of Lama Dawa’s western sangha, and by extension Indian sangha. 

We have reason to rejoice and even praise the man, thank him profusely.  His connecting so many with Lama Dawa catapulted his merit scale into the stratosphere (may Mahakala bless his by now cremated huge black woolen socks)!  Without him, the name is Lama Yeshe by the way, none of us would have come together in the way we did, if we would have come together at all, which is doubtful.  So, never belittle fake teachers.  They could turn into your gateway to the real thing, and be it against their wish or intentions.

And this is how it unfolded, for me, or retold from my perspective:

In the mid-90s, I used to live in western Washington State, half way between Seattle and Vancouver, and fifty miles east into the Northern Cascades.  My ex, known to the world as Paula Horan (with a Ph.D. behind the name on whose mention she always strongly insisted) and I owned a house and property, although Paula hardly ever lived or stayed there.  At that time, she was a small celebrity in Reiki circles worldwide, having written two of the first books on the subject, and touring the planet teaching it.  Among her many connections in the Reiki world was one very enthusiastic woman then residing in Maryland, by the name of Judith Hitt, also a Reiki master and registered nurse.  Eventually in 1997, my ex and I sold our property as we were planning to shift to India where Paula had already spent most of 1996/97.  Judith Hitt later morphed into Ani Gejong, and eventually was called Kunzang Dechen Chodren, by Kunzang Dorje Rinpoche. 

When visiting home from India in order to help me dissolve the house Paula connected with Judith as always over the phone, for the first time after a long interval and heard about new Reiki developments, including the emergence of so-called ‘Men-Chos’ or ‘Medicine Dharma Reiki’ as taught by Lama Drukpa Yeshe, who was recognized (or so he claimed) by the Dalai Lama as the Ninth Drukmar Rinpoche.  A framed letter on the stationary of the Dalai Lama’s office hanging on the wall in Lama Yeshe’s home in a prominent place was supposed to support the claim.  Judith had become his student in 1996 and sang his praises, of how extraordinary he was and how refreshingly different from the stiff formality of many Tibetan Lamas.  She insisted that we meet him, especially since we were planning to drive up I-5 from San Francisco, and Lama Yeshe was practically living along the way, on the California/Oregon border.

After such enthusiastic introduction naturally, meet the man and his aunt Mill, and his black castrated tomcat Maning Ngakpo, we did.  We had no choice in the matter, really.  Something was calling, a bit more forcefully than a mere curiosity that had been tweaked. 

Quite frankly, when we finally sat in Lama Yeshe’s mobile home living room on a dark November late afternoon, we didn’t know what to make of this French black-tobacco-cigarettes chain smoking and (for dinner) meat-devouring colossus (tall he was but weak on the feet as he had broken both ankles the year before).  Even more odd, he lived with his freaky aunt (no less a colossus than her nephew, albeit in width not in terms of height).  They both wove colorful anecdotes from their days in military intelligence into the conversation.  From what they projected and what we in response felt coming through both of them, they appeared absolutely authentic and congenial.  No outward ‘Rinpoche’ allures, either – just plain country folks, you know, local yokels, but more educated and sophisticated.

Anyway, throughout the 12-hour meeting, which lasted from 5pm to 5am Lama Yeshe and aunt Mill were really charming to us, and even if it had all been a ploy enacted to impress us, it had succeeded.  We were taken in.  We were impressed, especially by the fact that Paula was able to sit through a 12-hour chain-smoking session without coughing or getting nauseous.  Towards the end of the meeting Lama Yeshe even insisted on doing a White 6-Armed Mahakala Tsok together with us, so that the sale of our property may go through without obstacles.  He said that he had always liked burning the midnight oil - or practicing from dark to dawn.  The black T-shirt and jeans uniform (instead of the white yogi dress and shawl) went perfectly with this general approach and style.  

Naturally Lama Yeshe also mentioned his plans for a new 2- to 3-week intensive seminar on Medicine Dharma Reiki, to be held in late June/early to mid-July 1998.  When he talked about it he also stressed that he had invited a Nyingmapa yogi (whose name at that time was never mentioned) to give teachings and empowerments, and that this yogi, who was a fully accomplished tsalung practitioner, had already accepted the invitation.  He would certainly come. 

For some reason, the detail got me hooked.  In response, the words sort of tumbled out of my mouth, “Count me in,” I said, “I’ll be there”, at the retreat that is.  I meant it, too, although the forcefulness with which the gut response had made itself heard, sort of surprised me.  By habit, I am more cautious—except on the rare occasions when I’m not.

Paula didn’t share the same level of enthusiasm, and there were reasons for it connected with her own spiritual journey.  But she had always been (and still is) the adventurous type, so she eventually decided to come.  Besides, it would have been quite beyond her to have me live and work by her side and practicing (even teaching) some kind of Reiki that she didn’t know and hadn’t been empowered to teach herself.  For that reason alone, she would have had to join, anyway.  After all, and this is a compliment not a put-down, she was (and still is) the proverbial alpha female, especially in public almost always insisting on playing first fiddle.  Although in private she could act mellow and let go of the sometimes tiresome routine.

Seven months later we were back in Oregon, three more Reiki master friends of Paula’s from Germany and India in tow.  We were our own small group within the group. The entire group numbered probably twelve to fifteen in all, including Judith Hitt who had in the meantime taken novice vows and robes and was now called Ani Gejong Palmo.  However, we had never met Judith in person when we lived in Washington State, only over the phone.  Thus we would have to get acquainted in this retreat setting, with Judith or Ani Gejong, what difference does it make?  

Unfortunately, there were a few bumps in the road to be overcome between Paula and Ani right from the start.  In person, the two didn’t go as well together as through long distance calls.  I remember one incident during break time when Paula was sitting in my lap while part of my bum touched upon the ani’s shawl.  I guess this wasn’t the right thing to do while sitting on a novice nun’s shawl, exchanging pecks and hugging and all!  But it wasn’t meant as a sign of disrespect. It happened more due to a lack of sensibility to protocol and produced a reaction.  In a way, the incident set the tone between the two, for years to come.

Lama Dawa, the mysterious Nyingmapa Yogi mentioned in November, arrived towards the end of the three weeks, accompanied by Tim Clark and what I remember as a stunningly beautiful Tibetan woman (not his wife). The fact that Lama shared a separate trailer with her got the tongues wagging right away.  What else do I remember?  That this Lama was quite a tiny man, especially when standing next to six foot six and 250 pound Lama Yeshe, both of them leaning against opposite door posts, the first smoking Marlboros and the other either Gitanes or Gauloises.  They made quite a pair: one clad in white the other one in black.  However, they seemed to get along easy, which in any event doesn’t mean too much.  In 20 years of knowing Lama Dawa I have seen him get along easy with everyone, at least on the surface.  And when the ease was not there, well he either didn’t engage the person, or made a swift exit (the ‘exit’ from Lama Yeshe predictably was to happen in the summer of 1999).

This July of 1998, however, Lama Dawa was to share three teachings and empowerments from his lineage: Yeshe Tsogyal; Garuda/Vajrapani/Hayagriva in one; and Riwo Sangchoe.  He also gave some mirror readings.  The first two teachings and empowerments were to take place in the same location as all the other teachings.  Riwo Sangchoe was to happen somewhere else, in Portland. 

I suspect that these events, at least at the time, may have meant more to Lama than to us because for him, the future was not necessarily the same unknown territory as which it usually appears to an untrained mindstream, like mine.  He could look far, even without his famous divination mirror.  And he probably foresaw what he was getting himself into when giving these teachings.  I cannot claim to know, but there was a sense, a feeling of it.  His dedication to share Dudjom Rinpoche’s lineage in all respect and earnestness permeated the air.

When it came to practicalities, Lama Dawa initially displayed what looked like a stubborn refusal of bestowing the Yeshe Tsogyal teaching and empowerment on anyone except Ani Gejong as among all of us in the group she alone had completed the special 400.000 preliminary practices.  Lama Yeshe pleaded with him to reconsider.  Lama Dawa at first remained non-committal.  A few hours later, however, he had the whole group gather around him.  We were all standing and he stood in front of us.  He would choose his candidates himself, and he took his time doing it, leaving the group hanging in suspense for a minute or two, before saying a word.  Then he pointed to Paula and I.  Whe we had stepped towards him, he again stopped and wanted to leave it at that – or pretended that he wanted to leave it at that; hard to tell the difference, with these yogi types, sometimes.  Lama Yeshe pleaded some more. Finally Lama Dawa agreed to let in five of Lama Yeshe’s closest students including Josh, Matthew and Mari and two others whose name I have forgotten.  It goes without saying that Lama Yeshe, Mill and Tim Clark were allowed in, as well.  The Yeshe Tsogyal teaching and empowerment were finally scheduled for the following morning.

There is not much of a precise memory left of the event.  However, I believe to remember that one could palpably feel Lama’s presence, his devotion, his dedication to the welfare of those entrusting themselves in his care through this emerging bond of the empowerment in process.  Such almost religious fervor is not in contradiction to the dzogchen kind of openness in and toward all situations—the non-clinging, the spontaneity.   The proceedings felt altogether quite different, unusual, although I had tasted similar flavors during the moments when I had been one-on-one with Khamtrul Rinpoche, the Karmapa XVI and Tarthang Tulku.  These are rather unique situations.  Their special flavor derives from the blending of lightness, playfulness on one side and seriousness and commitment on the other side. It permeated the air during the Yeshe Tsogyal empowerment.  And this is really one of the characteristics of genuine vajrayana teachings and teachers, the interplay of spontaneity and age-old choreography of ritual.  With them, it seems all so easy, but it is also a matter of life and death, literally.  Anyway, a connecting happened.  In this empowerment, Lama did not hold back anything.  He connected with this new group of students and some of them remained with him for long, three to the end.  And even those who didn’t last, eventually will last also beyond the end like everyone who touched upon such natural sacredness.

The other two teaching events were a different ballgame.  From the way I felt, Lama Dawa didn’t really want to go through with one of them (the Garuda, Vajrapani & Hayagriva in one) because he might have deemed in premature and therefore made the group repeat a different mantra than the one written in the text.  Finally, he poked slight fun at the whole situation during the Riwo Sangchoe, as the hotel staff didn’t allow any open fires on their premises not even in the garden (Lama Yeshe’s right hand man had rented a hotel hall for the event).  But still he gave the Riwo Sangchoe teaching in a very lighthearted and upbeat spirit and exhibited overall a rather expansive mood, especially when all was said and (not) done.

In Portland I also received my first mirror divination from him with many to follow over the years, and the first question that I asked was, “What connects me and since when have I been connected to this lineage?  The answer came short and simple, “Since the lifetime when you were practicing the 100-deity mandala in the Kingdom of Zahor.”  With such an alleged past unbeknownst to me thus far, no wonder, I had to persist even this time around. 

On parting, I asked Lama, if we could see him at Tim Clark’s house where he would stay in Northern California, on our way back from Washington state to the airport.  He gave us Tim’s phone number.  Later, when reconnecting with him at Tim’s I asked him if we could meet him in Kathmandu as we were living not too far from him in South India.  He gave us the Kathmandu phone number.  The other things that happened in the course of these first meetings, well may be, if they ever surface again, they would want to be shared in a separate posting.

For now, it’s enough and the rest is history, as they say. 

Please understand that I am writing on purpose in a very personal way.  I cannot compose an objective account of Acharya Dawa Chhodak Rinpoche’s work with his students in the west and in India, beginning with the events of July 1998 and coming to a conclusion (at least according to the ordinary perspective) with his passing in November 2017.  I don’t believe anyone can write such an account.  We all can probably just offer fragments, fleeting impressions—or as stated in the beginning, mirages upon mirages and phantoms upon phantoms.  Yet at least these are the type of mirages that might actually lead to a well that offers a refreshing drink. 

Another question is, “How do you catch the reflection of the moon in water?”

Do we really know the guru?  Do we really know anything? And if yes, what might that be, in essence, that we believe we know?

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