As Acharya Dawa Chhodak Rinpoche’s first parinirvana anniversary is
close, I originally had planned on writing a blog posting about the last few
days of his life that I like some others in the sangha, was fortunate to spend
in his presence. However, upon
waking this morning, it occurred to me that endings are not really endings, at
least not from the way Lama spoke about the matter before his passing
himself. So, instead of writing
about an imaginary end, I might as well write about the events and connections
that initially culminated in meeting the Lama, even though beginnings are
likewise quite imaginary – mirages, phantom-like. But then, if the concept of a ‘mirage’ is itself indeed but a
‘mirage’, where do we stand, and what are we talking about when we talk about
beginnings, endings or even the elusive NOW?
Expressing a unique and fully embodied, yet in essence ungraspable answer
to this question is where the all the dharma juice really congeals! Where the three kayas meet in being
human.
Furthermore, the ‘auspicious connections’ required in order to be able
to meet a true and genuine lama, do not necessarily manifest through
‘dharma-politically’ correct channels.
At least as often, especially in the ‘non-dharmic’ social environment of
today, auspicious connections tend to arise through what ‘proper dharma
practitioners’ might be tempted to consider ‘improper’ channels. The origin of Lama Dawa’s sangha that
formed ensuing the events of 21998 to be described in the following is a case
in point.
What’s the purpose of writing such lengthy lead-in to the introduction,
you ask?
The point is that anyone who is connected to Lama Dawa is so, either
directly or indirectly connected to him through someone who had over time increasingly
emanated a strong whiff of ‘fakeness’.
Eventually in 2003, the man was exposed as the vajrayana ‘fraud’ that he
had always been – at least if we look at the picture from an ordinary point of
view. And yet, this ‘Rinpoche’ who
actually wasn’t, and this Ph.D. in clinical psychology who actually wasn’t became
the stepping-stone for the creation of Lama Dawa’s western sangha, and by
extension Indian sangha.
We have reason to rejoice and even praise the man, thank him profusely. His connecting so many with Lama Dawa catapulted
his merit scale into the stratosphere (may Mahakala bless his by now cremated huge
black woolen socks)! Without him,
the name is Lama Yeshe by the way, none of us would have come together in the
way we did, if we would have come together at all, which is doubtful. So, never belittle fake teachers. They could turn into your gateway to
the real thing, and be it against their wish or intentions.
And this is how it unfolded, for me, or retold from my perspective:
In the mid-90s, I used to live in western Washington State, half way
between Seattle and Vancouver, and fifty miles east into the Northern Cascades. My ex, known to the world as Paula
Horan (with a Ph.D. behind the name on whose mention she always strongly
insisted) and I owned a house and property, although Paula hardly ever lived or
stayed there. At that time, she
was a small celebrity in Reiki circles worldwide, having written two of the
first books on the subject, and touring the planet teaching it. Among her many connections in the Reiki
world was one very enthusiastic woman then residing in Maryland, by the name of
Judith Hitt, also a Reiki master and registered nurse. Eventually in 1997, my ex and I sold
our property as we were planning to shift to India where Paula had already
spent most of 1996/97. Judith Hitt
later morphed into Ani Gejong, and eventually was called Kunzang Dechen
Chodren, by Kunzang Dorje Rinpoche.
When visiting home from India in order to help me dissolve the house Paula
connected with Judith as always over the phone, for the first time after a long
interval and heard about new Reiki developments, including the emergence of
so-called ‘Men-Chos’ or ‘Medicine Dharma Reiki’ as taught by Lama Drukpa Yeshe,
who was recognized (or so he claimed) by the Dalai Lama as the Ninth Drukmar
Rinpoche. A framed letter on the
stationary of the Dalai Lama’s office hanging on the wall in Lama Yeshe’s home
in a prominent place was supposed to support the claim. Judith had become his student in 1996 and
sang his praises, of how extraordinary he was and how refreshingly different
from the stiff formality of many Tibetan Lamas. She insisted that we meet him, especially since we were planning
to drive up I-5 from San Francisco, and Lama Yeshe was practically living along
the way, on the California/Oregon border.
After such enthusiastic introduction naturally, meet the man and his
aunt Mill, and his black castrated tomcat Maning
Ngakpo, we did. We had no
choice in the matter, really.
Something was calling, a bit more forcefully than a mere curiosity that
had been tweaked.
Quite frankly, when we finally sat in Lama Yeshe’s mobile home living
room on a dark November late afternoon, we didn’t know what to make of this
French black-tobacco-cigarettes chain smoking and (for dinner) meat-devouring
colossus (tall he was but weak on the feet as he had broken both ankles the
year before). Even more odd, he
lived with his freaky aunt (no less a colossus than her nephew, albeit in width
not in terms of height). They both
wove colorful anecdotes from their days in military intelligence into the
conversation. From what they
projected and what we in response felt coming through both of them, they
appeared absolutely authentic and congenial. No outward ‘Rinpoche’ allures, either – just plain country
folks, you know, local yokels, but more educated and sophisticated.
Anyway, throughout the 12-hour meeting, which lasted from 5pm to 5am Lama
Yeshe and aunt Mill were really charming to us, and even if it had all been a
ploy enacted to impress us, it had succeeded. We were taken in.
We were impressed, especially by the fact that Paula was able to sit
through a 12-hour chain-smoking session without coughing or getting nauseous. Towards the end of the meeting Lama
Yeshe even insisted on doing a White 6-Armed Mahakala Tsok together with us, so
that the sale of our property may go through without obstacles. He said that he had always liked burning
the midnight oil - or practicing from dark to dawn. The black T-shirt and jeans uniform (instead of the white
yogi dress and shawl) went perfectly with this general approach and style.
Naturally Lama Yeshe also mentioned his plans for a new 2- to 3-week
intensive seminar on Medicine Dharma Reiki, to be held in late June/early to
mid-July 1998. When he talked
about it he also stressed that he had invited a Nyingmapa yogi (whose name at
that time was never mentioned) to give teachings and empowerments, and that
this yogi, who was a fully accomplished tsalung practitioner, had already accepted
the invitation. He would certainly
come.
For some reason, the detail got me hooked. In response, the words sort of tumbled out of my mouth, “Count me in,” I said, “I’ll be there”, at the retreat that is. I meant it, too, although the forcefulness
with which the gut response had made itself heard, sort of surprised me. By habit, I am more cautious—except on
the rare occasions when I’m not.
Paula didn’t share the same level of enthusiasm, and there were reasons
for it connected with her own spiritual journey. But she had always been (and still is) the adventurous type,
so she eventually decided to come.
Besides, it would have been quite beyond her to have me live and work by
her side and practicing (even teaching) some kind of Reiki that she didn’t know
and hadn’t been empowered to teach herself. For that reason alone, she would have had to join, anyway. After all, and this is a compliment not
a put-down, she was (and still is) the proverbial alpha female, especially in
public almost always insisting on playing first fiddle. Although in private she could act
mellow and let go of the sometimes tiresome routine.
Seven months later we were back in Oregon, three more Reiki master
friends of Paula’s from Germany and India in tow. We were our own small group within the group. The entire group
numbered probably twelve to fifteen in all, including Judith Hitt who had in
the meantime taken novice vows and robes and was now called Ani Gejong
Palmo. However, we had never met Judith
in person when we lived in Washington State, only over the phone. Thus we would have to get acquainted in
this retreat setting, with Judith or Ani Gejong, what difference does it make?
Unfortunately, there were a few bumps in the road to be overcome between
Paula and Ani right from the start.
In person, the two didn’t go as well together as through long distance
calls. I remember one incident during
break time when Paula was sitting in my lap while part of my bum touched upon the
ani’s shawl. I guess this wasn’t
the right thing to do while sitting on a novice nun’s shawl, exchanging pecks
and hugging and all! But it wasn’t
meant as a sign of disrespect. It happened more due to a lack of sensibility to
protocol and produced a reaction. In a way, the incident set the tone between the two, for
years to come.
Lama Dawa, the mysterious Nyingmapa Yogi mentioned in November, arrived
towards the end of the three weeks, accompanied by Tim Clark and what I
remember as a stunningly beautiful Tibetan woman (not his wife). The fact that Lama
shared a separate trailer with her got the tongues wagging right away. What else do I remember? That this Lama was quite a tiny man,
especially when standing next to six foot six and 250 pound Lama Yeshe, both of
them leaning against opposite door posts, the first smoking Marlboros and the
other either Gitanes or Gauloises.
They made quite a pair: one clad in white the other one in black. However, they seemed to get along easy,
which in any event doesn’t mean too much.
In 20 years of knowing Lama Dawa I have seen him get along easy with
everyone, at least on the surface.
And when the ease was not there, well he either didn’t engage the
person, or made a swift exit (the ‘exit’ from Lama Yeshe predictably was to
happen in the summer of 1999).
This July of 1998, however, Lama Dawa was to share three teachings and
empowerments from his lineage: Yeshe Tsogyal; Garuda/Vajrapani/Hayagriva in
one; and Riwo Sangchoe. He also
gave some mirror readings. The
first two teachings and empowerments were to take place in the same location as
all the other teachings. Riwo
Sangchoe was to happen somewhere else, in Portland.
I suspect that these events, at least at the time, may have meant more
to Lama than to us because for him, the future was not necessarily the same
unknown territory as which it usually appears to an untrained mindstream, like
mine. He could look far, even
without his famous divination mirror.
And he probably foresaw what he was getting himself into when giving
these teachings. I cannot claim to
know, but there was a sense, a feeling of it. His dedication to share Dudjom Rinpoche’s lineage in all
respect and earnestness permeated the air.
When it came to practicalities, Lama Dawa initially displayed what looked
like a stubborn refusal of bestowing the Yeshe Tsogyal teaching and empowerment
on anyone except Ani Gejong as among all of us in the group she alone had
completed the special 400.000 preliminary practices. Lama Yeshe pleaded with him to reconsider. Lama Dawa at first remained non-committal. A few hours later, however, he had the
whole group gather around him. We
were all standing and he stood in front of us. He would choose his candidates himself, and he took his time
doing it, leaving the group hanging in suspense for a minute or two, before
saying a word. Then he pointed to
Paula and I. Whe we had stepped
towards him, he again stopped and wanted to leave it at that – or pretended
that he wanted to leave it at that; hard to tell the difference, with these
yogi types, sometimes. Lama Yeshe
pleaded some more. Finally Lama Dawa agreed to let in five of Lama Yeshe’s
closest students including Josh, Matthew and Mari and two others whose name I
have forgotten. It goes without
saying that Lama Yeshe, Mill and Tim Clark were allowed in, as well. The Yeshe Tsogyal teaching and
empowerment were finally scheduled for the following morning.
There is not much of a precise memory left of the event. However, I believe to remember that one
could palpably feel Lama’s presence, his devotion, his dedication to the
welfare of those entrusting themselves in his care through this emerging bond
of the empowerment in process.
Such almost religious fervor is not in contradiction to the dzogchen
kind of openness in and toward all situations—the non-clinging, the spontaneity.
The proceedings felt altogether
quite different, unusual, although I had tasted similar flavors during the
moments when I had been one-on-one with Khamtrul Rinpoche, the Karmapa XVI and
Tarthang Tulku. These are rather
unique situations. Their special
flavor derives from the blending of lightness, playfulness on one side and
seriousness and commitment on the other side. It permeated the air during the
Yeshe Tsogyal empowerment. And
this is really one of the characteristics of genuine vajrayana teachings and
teachers, the interplay of spontaneity and age-old choreography of ritual. With them, it seems all so easy, but it
is also a matter of life and death, literally. Anyway, a connecting happened. In this empowerment, Lama did not hold back anything. He connected with this new group of
students and some of them remained with him for long, three to the end. And even those who didn’t last,
eventually will last also beyond the end like everyone who touched upon such
natural sacredness.
The other two teaching events were a different ballgame. From the way I felt, Lama Dawa didn’t really
want to go through with one of them (the Garuda, Vajrapani & Hayagriva in
one) because he might have deemed in premature and therefore made the group
repeat a different mantra than the one written in the text. Finally, he poked slight fun at the whole
situation during the Riwo Sangchoe, as the hotel staff didn’t allow any open
fires on their premises not even in the garden (Lama Yeshe’s right hand man had
rented a hotel hall for the event).
But still he gave the Riwo Sangchoe teaching in a very lighthearted and upbeat
spirit and exhibited overall a rather expansive mood, especially when all was
said and (not) done.
In Portland I also received my first mirror divination from him with
many to follow over the years, and the first question that I asked was, “What connects me and since when have I been
connected to this lineage?”
The answer came short and simple, “Since
the lifetime when you were practicing the 100-deity mandala in the Kingdom of
Zahor.” With such an alleged
past unbeknownst to me thus far, no wonder, I had to persist even this time
around.
On parting, I asked Lama, if we could see him at Tim Clark’s house where
he would stay in Northern California, on our way back from Washington state to
the airport. He gave us Tim’s
phone number. Later, when
reconnecting with him at Tim’s I asked him if we could meet him in Kathmandu as
we were living not too far from him in South India. He gave us the Kathmandu phone number. The other things that happened in the
course of these first meetings, well may be, if they ever surface again, they
would want to be shared in a separate posting.
For now, it’s enough and the rest is history, as they say.
Please understand that I am writing on purpose in a very personal
way. I cannot compose an objective
account of Acharya Dawa Chhodak Rinpoche’s work with his students in the west
and in India, beginning with the events of July 1998 and coming to a conclusion
(at least according to the ordinary perspective) with his passing in November
2017. I don’t believe anyone can
write such an account. We all can
probably just offer fragments, fleeting impressions—or as stated in the
beginning, mirages upon mirages and phantoms upon phantoms. Yet at least these are the type of
mirages that might actually lead to a well that offers a refreshing drink.
Another question is, “How do you
catch the reflection of the moon in water?”
Do we really know the guru? Do we really know anything? And if yes, what might that be,
in essence, that we believe we know?
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