This is in memory of Ernst Pagenstecher, a Buddhist mentor
of mine in my youth who died of cancer in 1984. He would have turned 105 this year.
The motive for writing about it is to share another profile
in courage, similar to the one I wrote about Dr. Fritz Kaufmann. (http://choyindorje.blogspot.com/2018/03/in-praise-of-my-first-buddhist-mentor.html) Since Ernst Pagenstecher now even has
an entry in the German edition of Wikipedia, which also mentions his bout with
cancer, it may be helpful to add a few details that remain unmentioned in the
official biography. Even more so
because Wikipedia does not have the facts quite right! According to the Wikipedia entry, Ernst
Pagenstecher fell ill with cancer in 1983. This is not how it happened. I personally learned about his illness
from his own lips while sitting with him at the dinner table in his house in
Wiesbaden. I thus know that he actually was diagnosed with both advanced kidney
and prostate cancer as early as in the fall of 1976. I remember the date so clearly because at the time I visited
Wiesbaden more frequently. Ernst Pagenstecher had offered to help me with the editing
of my first book translation manuscript.
In itself, the cancer does not make for an interesting story. Advanced organ cancer is usually the death
sentence for those who had to receive the news, especially when treated according
the textbook oncology way. Which
is something Ernst Pagenstecher understood at the time, when people in general were far less educated about the matter, and he was not
willing to be led to the slaughterhouse without a looking for an alternative
and trying it out to the best of his abilities.
Therefore I want to high-lighten, how he faced the situation, worked with it, containing the cancer—and thus preserving his dignity and his quality of
life for as long as possible, which in his case amounted to a life extension of
about eight years. He managed to
do so in the face of adversity and, initially, no less faced with great
hostility from the side of his physicians who all were dead against what he told
them that he would do and then set out to do. In a similar situation, we would have to do the same: not only face the cancer, but also confront the doctors who want to sell their therapy, if we are so inclined.
The personalized and totally alternative approach that he
eventually chose was of course in line with his character, even though
in general, the man did not wear his views on his sleeve. People of his generation, and
especially his family background rarely did. On first glance Ernst Pagenstecher looked absolutely
unassuming; not someone you would notice—except may be for his eyes.
He came to the dharma in 1955 and belonged to the small
group of people who renewed the interest in Buddhism in Germany after World War
II. He was a student of several renowned Buddhist masters in India, and in the US, including Lama
Anagarika Govinda and Chogyam Trungpa.
He practiced and meditated regularly; in addition, he lectured, he
taught, and he served as a mentor to some young people like myself. All of this happened alongside his day
job at the Ministry of Agriculture of a German state government. You could say that acted a bit the
maverick, even at his job. He also was one although
there was no display of swagger.
It felt sort of eerie to hear about the cancer at first when
I was in my mid-twenties, and as I am writing this I now recollect even how the
subject came up. We were sitting
at the dining table in the corner of the living room to have dinner after working
on the translation. Instead of the
usual staple of rye bread, cheese and vegetarian dips, my mentor had a salad…
and absolutely no carbs. I found
that unusual and commented on it.
In return he mentioned in his calm and understated manner, that a slight problem with his health had
arisen, “just a little cancer here and
there in my body, which now forces me to change my diet.” After which he went on to tell me the
story pretty much in the same way is it was written down as an example for
alterative cancer treatments in another book, which co-authored almost 20 years
ago, The 9 Principles of Self-Healing. And now I am quoting from it.
“We had a good friend
(he is deceased now) who many years ago was diagnosed during a regular check up
which full blown cancer of both the prostate and kidneys. Immediate surgery was suggested,
followed by the usual protocol of radiation. At that time our friend was in his early sixties, and
happily married as well as deeply committed to the spiritual path. He also was physically very active,
running every morning in the summer months and in the winter going to the Alps
or Scandinavia for cross-country skiing.
He asked the doctors what would happen to his manhood, and how long it
would take him to be able to ski again (he had just booked a 3-week trip to
Norway with that idea in mind).”
“The doctor’s face
turned grim as the prognosis that he was going to give, regarding the likelihood
of such recreational activities in the future. After the doctor had given his opinion, our friend thanked
him and left, stating that he needed a second or even a third opinion. ‘But
there is no time’, the doctor warned, ‘we have to operate immediately’. ‘No, we don’t,’ our friend replied. ‘It is my body and my life, and I am
going to find an alternative solution that satisfies me, because with what you
are suggesting I should put myself through, I might as well be dead. What’s the point of living, if you
can’t enjoy life?’ He went to two
more doctors who gave concurrent opinions. All the doctors almost became hopping mad trying to pressure
and convince him by gravely pointing to his test results.”
“When our friend
finally opted for a treatment combining juice fasting, nutritional
supplementation and ozone therapy with a physician in Baden Baden, they
declared him insane. And yet, he
lived eight more years, quite content with his fate and taking several extended
cross-country skiing trips to Norway and other places during these remaining
years. The therapy he opted for
required a lot of discipline. He
had to completely change his diet, do regular juice fasting, and visit the
physician for a longer series of ozone treatments twice a year. Even though burdensome in a way, the
disciplined regimen enabled him to get on with his life in the way he had
wished for.”
“He was not disabled
or incapacitated, and when his time was up, he died a happy man. And why? Because he withstood tremendous outside pressure and trusted
his own intelligence regarding the treatment that he finally chose.”
You may interject that, in the end, the patient did die of
cancer—despite of his maverick long-term therapy and follow-through. No doubt. There can also be no doubt that, had he listened to the
first three doctors’ advice (one at the German Mayo Clinic, which is located in
Wiesbaden) he would have died much earlier – and under much more miserable
conditions. If you don’t believe it,
check out the statistics for survival rates in metastatic advanced organ
cancers for yourself.
However, the point of the story is not to malign any one
person or the conventional approach in oncology. For most patients who are lacking in discipline and
willpower, there is no other option than what is usually offered. Only a patient with a certain amout of stubbornness
and certain degree of awareness of the side effects of the textbook approach, like Ernst
Pagenstecher, will indeed ever be comfortable under fire and with withstanding
the tremendous outside pressure in favor of a more conventional treatment
protocol—and furthermore muster the discipline needed for an integrative therapy
that hinges on the client’s willingness and ability to cooperate and do his
part. Many people are not made for
this, and thus they will have to go with the usual choice.
If there is a point at all to be made here, it is that fear is a bad
advisor. And in that sense,
doctors who try to sell their medicine by putting the fear of death in the
client’s head and heart do NOT appear to act like very good doctors. May be they are merely a bit lazy—too
complacent to look beyond the fence of their particular specialization; not
willing to explore new territories. However, as soon as the fear drops away, the chances increase
for the patient to live with the cancer, managing it, keeping it contained.
For the same reason, beware of gurus who want to make you to
toe the line out of fear. They are
stealing your chance for making any real progress in your practice and always
keep you at the level of dependency.
To conclude, it was was a stroke of luck to have such independent
minded dharma mentors in my youth.
It supported my inborn tendency against sectarianism and religious
hypocrisy. I became sort of
immunized against such fallacies, thanks these indomitable people. And even though I now practice and share very traditional Tibetan practices, even in a somewhat traditional way, I do so because it sometimes is the practical thing to do. We cannot reinvent the wheel at every turn, and in the least the wheel of the teachings. But if we stay true to ourselves and to the tradition we represent, the wheel on occasion mysteriously does take on a slightly different appearance, more in harmony for our needs and our times.
